Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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