I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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