Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
