I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
