I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
