If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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