Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
well you can't waste a boner
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
