I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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