Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
