Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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