Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
