I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
