He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
