My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
