My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
