I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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