The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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