I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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