The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
