alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
