I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
