Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
