If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
