Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize