I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The adults are the big ones right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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