I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
