I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
third nipple confirmed
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
