would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
