If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I need water and some morals
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
