u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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