She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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