i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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