I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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