I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
