Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
