I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
