We need to start having sex underwater more often.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
