having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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