The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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