So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
