someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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