It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
