I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
