A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize