she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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