I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
