i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
