she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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