I'm gonna have a badass scar
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize