saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
