Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize