You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dicks are not precious.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
