All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
