I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
