My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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