a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
