You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
