took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
