Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it's like heaven, but drunker
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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