you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
