OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
