I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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