he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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