my mouth tastes like poor choices
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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