Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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