you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
