haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
