I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
