you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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