Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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