I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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