New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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