you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
